CET4作文辅导：Wanna have fun? Join our club

全国四六级考委会的夏国佐教授对读者题为"Welcome to our club"的作文进行了讲评和改写。按照四级作文的评分标准，作文部分满分15分，这篇文章得分9分。下期夏老师将继续讲评今年6月份的四级作文题"Welcome to our club"。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的点评，请按下面要求写出一篇短文，发到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
　　Directions：For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an announcement to welcome students to join a club. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:
　　1. 本社团的主要活动内容 2. 参加本社团的好处 3. 如何加入本社团
　　读者原文
　　Welcome to our club
　　Do you feel worn out? Do you want to relax yourself? Do you want to enrich your life? Now, you can make a wise choice to join up our Fun Club.
　　There are many kinds of activities in our club, including entertainment and study. We will hold a party on every Friday evening, during the time you can sing and dance to music. Besides, you can go for a picnic every weekend. As for study, we provide many books related your major courses. And we set up a new English corner, where you can improve your spoken English. If you join up our club, there are many advantages waiting for you. First, you can practice yourself and build up your social ability. Second, you can make more new friends. Most of all, you can balance between work and study.
　　There are several ways we can join up Fun Club. You can directly go to Room 300. You can also call the number 9542xxxx. Besides, you can send an e-mail to mail@funclub.com. Don’t hesitate to take action at once.
　　修改后的文章
　　Welcome to our club
　　Do you feel worn out? Do you want to relax? Do you want to enrich your life? Why not join our club?
　　Our club is named "Fun Club" because we organize many interesting activities that can involve both entertainment and study. We hold a party on every Friday evening, at which you can sing and dance to music. Besides, we have a picnic every weekend. As for study, we provide many books related to your major courses and offer chances for you to compare notes on your studies. And we plan to set up a new English corner, where you can improve your spoken English. So, if you join our club, you’ll have many benefits. First, you can get lots of practice and build up your social skills. Second, you can make many new friends. Most of all, you can achieve a balance between study and entertainment.
　　There are several ways you can join our Fun Club. You can go directly to Room 300 to apply. You can also call us at 9542xxxx. Or you can send an application to us at mail@funclub.com. Don’t hesitate. It’ll be great fun!
　　夏老师的点评
　　这篇作文基本上达到了大学英语四级的写作要求，能以简单的书面英语传达自己的意思，语言错误不多。该生对英语句子结构的掌握比较好，但是对英语的习惯搭配却不太注意，语感不是很好。下面是几点具体的修改建议。
　　1. 第一段第二句"Do you wan